Caring For Elderly Parents

How you feel about caring for your parents after they have retired depends on a number of things, foremost of which is the country in which you have been raised. Many Westerners do not want the hassle or responsibility of caring for their parents, while in most Asian countries it is normal and expected that elderly parents are cared for by their children or extended family.

Where I come from, England, most young to middle aged people dread the idea of mother or, worse still, mother-in-law, coming to live with them as they get older. It is like a punishment for the sin of being born of that parent. Where I now live, in the Philippines, it is the opposite; people generally care for their parents without giving it much of a thought. They respect parents and other older people, and show it in their attitudes at all levels.

Older people, though, are no different to those who are younger, of any age. They want to feel loved and wanted, even though they may never admit it, especially men; they want to be respected and considered, not cast aside as if by becoming old they have contracted a notifiable disease.

For those whose cultures are more like the English way, there is still much that can be done to let parents grow old gracefully. You can still care for them in a way that reflects your love, but does not going against your local culture and have elderly parents living in your home on a permanent basis.

The British, Americans, Canadians and Australians are naturally strongly independent; a lot of older people no more want to live with their children and in-laws than vice-versa. Unless the family are incredibly relaxed as a group, and have plenty of space and respect for each other's privacy, there's a good chance the "all live together" approach will not work. It works in other cultures, allowing an aging person to grow in stature within a family, assured they will always be cared for and respected. It is far less likely to work in Western cultures, especially those of Anglo origins.

For Westerners, though, they can still show care and love without adopting the "live-in" approach. Modern communications means that it is so much easier to keep in touch with parents as they age, thus ensuring they are in good health, what needs they might have. Here are a few things you can do to help on the communications aspect of your care:

1. If they cannot afford to run a cellphone and keep it in credit, help them out. That way you are providing practical yet very useful help without interfering.

2. If you are concerned about helping in an emergency, a medical alert system such as Lifestation, which provides national medical alert coverage throughout the US, could provide both you and your parent peace of mind.

3. If you have children, encourage them to call your parents regularly; of course, you should call as often as you both feel happy with.

4. Encourage your parents to take on new pursuits, use the internet, and other things to keep them occupied mentally and physically.

5. Whenever you meet, a great big warm smile and hug will always go down well.

6. Be sure that your parents know that, if they need help at any time, you are there for them; if they are the sort who do not easily reveal their feelings and thoughts, it is not too late for them to change. Try to encourage them to be open, in case they are hiding illness or other concerns from you, so as "not to be a trouble." If they are in need, they are not "a trouble."

Every parent child relationship is different, from baby to old age. Lean on your own knowledge of the parent, and mix it with how you would love to be treated when you are in the same position when older. With care and understanding, you can achieve the right balance, and even develop a stronger, fun relationship.